I’m stealing one of my Daddy’s favorite sayings for this post. He always says he’s going to write book with this title, and when he does I guess I’ll have to pay him copyright royalties or come back and change this title. 😉
But anyway, God has changed my path since my last post, and that’s the reason for the radio silence over the past year or so.
My last rambling had Team Khanagov moving headlong into the adoption arena. I started taking a step back from writing to you in order to focus on those kids. We had several visits with a brother and sister. We met them at a park for the first time one afternoon, we had them over for dinner, and then we even had them spend the night. Each step was bringing us closer to what we knew God was leading us to do.
And then God said… no.
Wait… Did I hear that right? No?
My response was… How can I say no to them? Hasn’t there whole life been a series of nos? I’ve seen their faces. I know their names. My heart has ripped open for their tiny little broken lives. How can we be another NO?
I didn’t like it, but just like every other time God has walked with us, we stopped when He stopped no matter what the cost. So we began looking through names and pages again.
The heartbreaking part of the system is I am not supposed to know where those kids are and how their story ends, BUT GOD is more gracious.
God allowed us to walk alongside another couple working through the adoption process, and we have been able to watch as God has made that brother and sister a forever part of their family. A family who loves Jesus and lays down their lives to make a home for these kids and point them to Him. I am so grateful to be able to get updates and pray for this amazing family.
As we continued to look for the kids God had for us, a few days after Christmas of 2013, the day after our friends started the process of permanent placement with those 2 beautiful kids, this happened…
… that’s right! Surprise! We were pregnant!
This put everything on hold.
It took me a full year of sickness, lots of “scary” news along the way, and one doozey of a birthing experience, and I was a mother again. (More about all that in a later post)
My “Snickle” was born in August of 2014. Our lives have shifted to focus on new life. WK is so proud, and I see glimpses of the man who did this all 8 and 10 years ago. Sonic and Sassafras are thrilled with her, although Sonic still wants a brother.
I wish the next few lines were filled with God directed, life affirming words. I wish this was the paragraph that makes the story make sense. I wish I could say that I knew all of the purpose of our adoption journey, or even what the next steps for us are going to be. After having Snickle, WK feels as if we are back at square one with the adoption process. It’s not even that I disagree with him. It’s just that it is so confusing.
I’ll be honest. The last year and a half have been some of the most confusing days of following Christ. I don’t know that there has ever been anything that God has called me to that has turned out so differently than I thought. Truthfully, I have questioned why God lead us that far for seemingly no purpose.
But here is what I do know, I don’t have to be confident in what I know about God to be confident IN God. I can walk all the way up a mountain willing to surrender and put something to death, only to have God provide a lamb. I can build a boat without knowing what rain is really like. I can climb a tree to see Jesus, and never expect or understand that He will later change everything I have ever understood about him and religion.
Until then, I will listen carefully to the next steps and continue the things I know He has called me to do. I will continue to homeschool Sassafras and Sonic. I will continue to open my home for my family and my lifegroup. I will continue love my husband in the ways that God shows me each day. And I will thank God that I get to do this…
So I will breath Him in and be certain of what I cannot see… and it’s funny because that sounds a lot like faith.