It is not punishment

I am waiting for a house to sell.

I have been obeying for over a year. So it must be that I have messed up something.

I’ve been obeying for over a year. So it must be that I am paying for my self-righteous past.

I’ve been waiting for over a year. So it must mean that I am not believing enough, praying enough, reading my Bible enough, serving, enough, or loving enough.

Maybe you are waiting too.

You are waiting for a promise. It must be all the cheating you did in college that keeps you from deserving a God who keeps His promise to you.

You are waiting for a healing. You must need to attend church or pray more.

You are hurting from a broken relationship. You don’t even know if working on it will restore it or shatter you into a million pieces. It must be that abortion when no one held you while you cried and offered you ANY other way.

You are in the middle of a thankless and soul-deteriorating call. It must be all of your selfishness or years that you turned to yourself instead of Him.

You are parenting a child who bends over backward to make you feel as ugly, useless, and evil (yep, she called you that). It must be all the times you didn’t obey your own parents or the times you judged another without knowing their story.

You face anxiety that greets you each morning holding its pillow of suffocation over the breath of your life. It must be the faith you lack. Certainly, if you believed like Susie, God would take this torment from you.

BUT…

I believe in grace.

I believe that I am forgiven.

I believe that all of this is about Him and not about me.

I believe that God redeems all things and doesn’t hold my sins against me.

SO…

Which do I really believe? What wins out in my heart and my head when it is quiet and I am stuck with my circumstances?

What if it’s not about punishment?

That’s right! I said it.

What if it’s not about punishment?

What if it’s for something else entirely?

I am going to be brave here and say it out loud.

“It’s not for my punishment. It’s for HIS presence.”

WAIT…

My waiting isn’t about what I am doing. It’s about what he’s doing.

Your promise is not about what you used to do. It’s about what he has planned to do.

Your relationship is not about a secret sin eating away at your heart. It’s about your need for the ONE relationship that can carry you through any darkness.

Your soul-killing tasks are not about you getting them right or wrong. It is about him trusting you to finish what He has placed in front of you.

Your little fighter is not a fighter because you don’t parent well. It’s about him giving you the task of parenting a soul worth fighting for.

Your anxiety is not because you don’t have enough faith. It is because you use that faith just to get out of bed.

All of these things are the things that bring us to him. They push us to our need.

Because God will never allow us to stay in a place where we don’t need him.

This thing in front of you. It’s not for your punishment. It’s for his presence.

Stay close to him. Let him hold you. Listen to him speaking in the pain. He’s there, and that’s the whole point.

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1 Comment

  1. Once again, you hit the nail on the head. We too have had our house on the market twice before. I’ve prayed for His will, but don’t know if I really wanted Him to have His will. I’ve believed a lot of what you said about punishment, but have tried to leave it in His hands and His timing. I know He has a plan and we will be better off for it if we wait upon Him. Thank you, Christina. Prayers!

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