It’s both

I have never had a relationship based on feeling alone.

There is something more to it. There is an element of stubbornness. There is a deep connectedness that holds on when the feelings don’t match the situation.

There is also a putting the interest of others above your own. (Certainly, not all of the time, but I would say equal parts or a little more.) There is an interest in the person. There is an interest in his or her story. There is an interest in the things that he or she knows about.

There is an expertise that one gets about that person. Of course, knowledge alone does not determine my relationship with him or her, but I cannot know nothing of him or her either.

I am in love with WK… in the giddy school girl way. I am in love with him in the melt your insides and rip your clothes off way. I am in love with him in the get all dressed up to look my best for him on special nights kind of way. I am in love with him in the hold hands in public and sit on the same side of the table kind of way.

But that’s not it. If it was, it would be shallow. If it was, it would be tiring to keep up. If it was, I would question my love for him when I got a headache or was distracted with a challenge.

I am also in love with him in the grow old with him kind of way. I am in love with him in the do laundry, do dishes, and bear children for him kind of way. I am love with him in the I will pay attention (more than hearing or listening) to stories about cars and computers kind of way. I am in love with him in the making his life my life kind of way.

It’s both. It’s a marriage of both the feeling of love and the constitution of it.

Sometimes I feel the feelings. Sometimes I do the work of them.

A deep abiding love will both make your heart soar and your muscles ache. It will make you feel amazing and it will wear you out. It is both an emotion and an institution.

Culturally we like to apply the shallow kind of love to God as well as people. But it’s both…

I am in love with my Savior… In a giddy school girl kind of way, and a lay down my life for Him kind of way. I am in love in the heart soaring, and the read Leviticus kind of way. I am in love in a follow him when things look nice and when things look awful kind of way. I am in love with Him in a sing hallelujah, and in a memorize His word kind of way.

It’s both. It’s a marriage of both the relationship and the regulations.

If I would give this kind of love to my husband why would I give anything less to my Lord?

I hope that we learn a deeper love each day… one that causes us to cheer and to sacrifice.

It’s the only kind of love worth having.

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Adventures and plans

I never followed Jenny because I had to do it.

Sure, she was a gale force when she didn’t get her way, and she was so much stronger than me when we ran and played together. I can still close my eyes and see her perched at the top of the swingset or running so fast that if she had fallen she might have exploded into a thousand pieces.

I also knew that her role in any game we played was determined by her. I had my opinion and I was always Princess Leia when I played at home, but Jenny got to be leading role (even if she had never seen it before #IwasrightaboutStarWars).

I didn’t even follow Jenny because of her fierce love for me or because she demanded it.

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The danger of healthy habits

I am overweight. I am not sure when I will not be. Each struggle to combat this has led to failure recently.

I have been prayerful about my next steps and pushing them toward the top of my goal list.

I’ve been at this weight before and hated it. It’s no picnic today either. I remember all the hard work and how it took forever to work my hiney off (Literally! <- Also the correct use of literally).

I don’t like that I have already done this hard work. I don’t like that every time I seem to see a pound or two disappear it comes back and sometimes brings friends (like some fabulous fat-keg party that pounds keep showing up to… apparently there’s a party in my torso that I had no idea would be so popular).

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Surrendering the sacrifice

I have sacrificed a lot. I am a mother. It is almost in my job description.

I wouldn’t be a good mom if I didn’t let the kids have my last bite.

I wouldn’t be a good wife if didn’t let my husband sleep in on his days off.

I wouldn’t be a good granddaughter or niece if I didn’t go visit my grandmother this week.

I wouldn’t be a good daughter if I didn’t keep checking on my Daddy while He is in the hospital.

I wouldn’t be a good co-op teacher if I don’t get my supply list in for leadership to get out to parents.

(Being good… well, that’s an entirely different subject… moving on!)

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